Don't you just hate...

[Space Invader]

What I really really hate, is when the police tells bikers to take extra care on the roads

Yeah, today I was visiting a biker in the spinal unit in Glasgow, who was asked by the investigating officer when he woke up a week later if he remembers the conversation they'd had 10 mins before the accident. (See quote above)

[Dave]

When you get this “something is twitching” sensation on top is your head while you are riding the bike.

Only to have this thing start to move across your head

[Ratz]

When you get this “something is twitching” sensation on top is your head while you are riding the bike.

Only to have this thing start to move across your head

rofl you should clean your helmet more you dirty man!

[Space Invader]

rofl you should clean your helmet more you dirty man!

At that moment, when something yellow and black flies through the gap in your visor, lodges itself in your ear, buzzing, your only instinct is to do an emergency stop, rip off your helmet, (Don't, just don't go there) and shake like a wet dog.........
Same as when a big foggy bummer hits you in the throat.....at XXX MPH.... stings a bit.. (No pun intended) and then falls down the neck of your jacket.......... Still alive....

[Dave]

When you get this “something is twitching” sensation on top is your head while you are riding the bike.

Only to have this thing start to move across your head

rofl you should clean your helmet more you dirty man!

I polish my helmet at every opportunity I can

[Ratz]

When you get this “something is twitching” sensation on top is your head while you are riding the bike.

Only to have this thing start to move across your head

rofl you should clean your helmet more you dirty man!

I polish my helmet at every opportunity I can

more fun when you get the wife to do it for you

[Space Invader]

Nah, get her to lick it clean, far better........

[Dave]

Nah, get her to lick it clean, far better........

I do have a large one, and it does take her a while to finish it off

[Space Invader]

I do have a large one, and it does take her a while to finish it off

Must be a Shoei then....... (As opposed to a growey!!)

I wonder how many innuendoes we can get in this thread......

Innuendo.... Spanish suppository......

(Pass me the black leather coat with the Metallica back print)

[Rocky Mountaineer]

Innuendo.... Spanish suppository......

Stunning, I hadn't heard that one.

Funny thing, really.I'm sitting here in an office in the Middle East, having only driven in Aberdeen for 6 days in the last 8 weeks, and I still really, really hate "Westhill wifies" at 7am Monday to Friday doing 45mph in the outside lane towards Kingswells with a death-grip on the steering wheel, hunched over like Rossi through a chicane at Assen. And I particularly hate the one in the little blue foreign car that invariably stops at the green light at Kingswells roundabout to see if the way is clear and then stops AGAIN at the next green light just one-third of the way through the roundabout to check that the way is clear from Kingswells and then goes even slower all the way to Langstracht.
Why is her car not fitted with yellow flashing lights like a proper tractor?

Oh, and I hate all of the low-loaders that feel the need for a spin through Garlogie at 7am EVERY FRIGGIN morning. Surely there aren't THAT many bulldozers that need to be shifted or moved, surely this is just their feeble idea of entertainment. And I hate all of the drivers that hang half-way out of their lane through Garlogie to see if it's clear to pass a stupid low-loader but then never do, and prevent everyone else (including motorcycles) from passing.

Other than that, I'm a pretty happy, balanced kind of guy.

[Space Invader]

Puppy trainers......

You have two dogs who pretend the're balloons on strings, and then this woman comes in, shoots them the look,
And the two of them are the most obedient creatures on the face of the planet......

"let's do a waliking exercise....."
"Boys, walk on"
Jaunty....Jaunty....Jaunty....Jaunty....Jaunty....Jaunty....Jaunty....Jaunty....Jaunty....

"Righty, that's my time up, practice what I've taught you"

Oaky, diddly dokey, see you in a few weeks......

<Door slams>

"LALS, did you know we have an Irish setter hanging from a ceiling light fitting??"

Going growmph...growmph...growmph...

See that Dog whisperer program, I used to think it was fake until I met this woman.
She walks in the room, and the dogs just hit the deck......

[Dave]

Don’t you just hate...


midges

[Space Invader]

Here's a handfull of three, feel free to disagree.......

Lawyers (Scum for milking profit from the people who can least afford it.)
Bank Managers (As above, but only obeying orders)
Car salesmen ( Arachnids are too high a life form to describe these people who should have been left at birth on a cold slab overnight)


And Breathe............

[Gazza]

Here's a handfull of three, feel free to disagree.......

Lawyers (Scum for milking profit from the people who can least afford it.)
Bank Managers (As above, but only obeying orders)
Car salesmen ( Arachnids are too high a life form to describe these people who should have been left at birth on a cold slab overnight)


And Breathe............

You forgot traffic wardens.

[Space Invader]

You forgot traffic wardens.

Nah, don't have a problem with them, If I'm parked illegally, then that is my decision to take the chance....

Cops, No bother, I have deserved every single one of the 27 points I've picked up through my driving career.

(Thought the 3 for "careless parking" was a bit harsh though)

But when a cop says "Look mate I'm a biker myself, do you want to sign for 89, or watch the video?"
You know you've met a good one.......

Thanks Officer Woods, you're a star....... (Sorry for sitting on your hat)

[Gazza]

You forgot traffic wardens.

Nah, don't have a problem with them, If I'm parked illegally, then that is my decision to take the chance....

But who the fcuk would want to be one (other than a tin pot Hitler)?

[Zathos]

Road signs....

...or rather the overgrowth of road signs we have here.

On the trip round Ireland I was impressed with the simplicity of the southern road sign system. There aren't many and that means to pay attention to the ones which are there.

Back here I gave up trying to read em all after 100 meters
Far too much usless information means the road user can't effectively differentiate the p*sh from the important

[Zathos]

Interruptions!

...had one boss asking five times today for the same information.....

...."you would get it a lot quicker if you stopped bothering me, now bugger off" was probably not a smart thing to say, but it got the point accross.

[airwave]

Pulled muscles in yer back . . .
jings it's sair . . .
Quck has give me suitable amounts of drugs to take (none of which I've ever heard of )


typical service hands injury, over exertion . . . Going for the remote to the TV

[Space Invader]

Pulled muscles in yer back . . .
jings it's sair . . .
Quack has give me suitable amounts of drugs to take (none of which I've ever heard of )

Yeah, got given some serious shecht at A&E after the crash on the A1, which involved a fair bit of twisting spine movement going on.

Unless you have a serious intolerance to painkillers, do not take anything which has a name slightly resembling "Dihydracodin, or Dihexacodin or the U.S. favourite Vicodin (I can't remember which I got, but Vicodin is rather addictive apparently, see almost every celebrity drug related death for about the last 10 years)

4 a day, not a chance, 1 in the morning before the vomiting and face diving getting draaged over by the dogs started.

My wife's mate who is an A&E nurse took one look at them and told me to stop taking them immediately.
(16p parcetamols from Aldi work if you take them sparingly, and don't get immune)

Oh, and invest £30 in this, I can't leave the house without it.
http://www.physiosupplies.com/acatalog/ ... _2d_20BELT

Superb, but remember to measure your hips not your waist. You'll get one on Fleabay or Amazon.

[Gazza]

I can't leave the house without it.

No wonder you've got a bad back. Whilst they are excellent for short term pain relief, wear one all the time and it compensates for your core back muscles. They weaken and then when you don't wear it the problem is worse.

[Cossackmannie]

Funny thing, really.I'm sitting here in an office in the Middle East, having only driven in Aberdeen for 6 days in the last 8 weeks, and I still really, really hate "Westhill wifies" at 7am Monday to Friday doing 45mph in the outside lane towards Kingswells with a death-grip on the steering wheel, hunched over like Rossi through a chicane at Assen. And I particularly hate the one in the little blue foreign car that invariably stops at the green light at Kingswells roundabout to see if the way is clear and then stops AGAIN at the next green light just one-third of the way through the roundabout to check that the way is clear from Kingswells and then goes even slower all the way to Langstracht.
Why is her car not fitted with yellow flashing lights like a proper tractor?

.

What guy in his right mind would let his missus take the car anywhere near the A944? Can't he programme the satnav to only show maps of Westhill so they don't get out of their depth?

Every area probably has 'Wifies' like that but Westhill seems to be over run with these clueless bints. They are the middle-class Westhill Wifies.
On a beautiful sunny day, they spend ages getting dolled up like they're going to Royal Ascot, sorting their child out for school, loading the poor kid into a 7 seater people carrier/4x4, driving the 500 yards to Westhill Primary School whilst barely seeing over the top of the dashboard, parking in front of people's driveways even when they see a car reversing down it, letting the kid out of the car onto the road when there's a perfectly good pavement on the other side, standing gabbing to other WW's with the car doors wide open so you can't get past, then down to Aldi for a bit of shopping which they put in the M&S bags she got 3 years ago, then they have to go to another WW's house to meet the 'girls' 'cos if they know that if they don't go the others will speak about them. If you wanted to wipe them out with a smart bomb, try Google Earth and look for the house with 12 or more 4x4's/people carriers outside at 0915 hours
When their husband arrives home from a hard day at work in the Micra/Corsa/Saxo which was bought for her but she insists she needs the space his car provides(ie: her best pal has a Cayenne/Tuareg/Range Rover so she has to have something similar) she then goes on at great length about 'What a hard day she's had' and 'You don't know how hard it is being a housewife' while completely ignoring the fact that he's been grafting since 0600hours every day to finance her 'lifestyle'.

There is also a 'working class' Westhill Wifie.
These are the ones that either don't drive or their husbands have deemed them to be too f**kin' stupid to be allowed behind the wheel. They're never seen near the roads. They can only be seen between 0845 - 0915 hours and 1445- 1530 hours whizzing along Westhill's labyrinth of paths, pushing a buggy containing a sticky-faced child that's chomping into it's third Curly Wurly of the day before 9am whilst dragging the other 4 kids along with her. They chuck on the cleanest track/shell suit they have(invariably non-matching halves), Nike Airs, put their hair up in a pony tail that sticks out of the side of their head, give the kids chocolate for breakfast so it'll keep them awake in class because they were out till midnight the night before trashing gardens, they then rush out along the myriad of pathways to school and drop the kids off as soon as they're within sight of school so the middle class WW's don't get the chance to look down their noses at them.

There is apparently an Upper Class Westhill Wifie but nobody's ever seen one because they spend most of the day on the Golf Course and then meet for coffee in the Clubhouse because making coffee is the only thing that their cleaners/housemaids won't do for them.

It's only the middle class ones that get on my tits but I tolerate their ridiculous/selfish behaviour because some of them are actually quite tidy

[CazB]

………….. awesome Twats !

The middle aged guy who stereotypes women into 2 categories of clueless housewife bint or buggy pushing chav and hasn’t quite realised that there is a huge amount of women out there who are actually financially independent and have had to work a lot harder than their male counterparts just to be taken seriously by the middle aged awesome male twats they work for and can drive their cars well and some even ride a bike!

[Space Invader]

No wonder you've got a bad back. Whilst they are excellent for short term pain relief, wear one all the time and it compensates for your core back muscles. They weaken and then when you don't wear it the problem is worse.

I don't wear it all the time Gaz, what I said was that I wouldn't leave the house without it.

Some times, you may find yourself away from home, and need a bit of a boost to get back, especially if you don't drive and are looking at the guts of an hour on a bus with Schumaker driving, and a mile walk to get home.

[Cossackmannie]

………….. awesome Twats !

The middle aged guy who stereotypes women into 2 categories of clueless housewife bint or buggy pushing chav and hasn’t quite realised that there is a huge amount of women out there who are actually financially independent and have had to work a lot harder than their male counterparts just to be taken seriously by the middle aged awesome male twats they work for and can drive their cars well and some even ride a bike!

Oh, I realised that ages ago.
My wife doesn't worry about the males at work not taking her seriously because she doesn't take them seriously. She was also told she wouldn't get anywhere in the company because she was a mother!! Doesn't get anymore awesome than that!!!
She can also be very dominant.................................................which is a plus point in my book

Oh, btw, about the middle-aged awesome male jester bit? I resent being called middle-aged